Selfishness. Is it good or is it bad? We are taught to view it as something bad, something that we should choose not to be so that it will not negatively reflect our character. But what if I told you that being selfish is actually a good thing? What if I told you that by choosing not to be selfish is negatively impacting your health? What if I told you that when you choose to not be selfish, you’re robbing yourself of true happiness?
Would this change your perspective on what it means to be selfish?
To be honest yes, there are times and moments when we should not be selfish. There are moments when it does negatively reflect upon our character, and it clearly states what our morals and values are. Entitlement my friend, is never a good look. However, if you’re being selfish for the sake of loving yourself unconditionally, then by all means be selfish!
In this sense it does not reflect negatively on your character. If anything, it’s a reassuring sign of what your true morals and values are, and even more importantly what your mindset is like. Being selfish doesn’t always have to have a negative connotation to it. It took me years to understand this. In honor of vowing to be more selfish and love myself more, here are my top reasons why selfishness can sometimes be ok.
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You’re paying attention to your needs
This is so huge. We tend to think that when we choose to be selfish, we are ignoring the wants and needs of others. This couldn’t be further from the truth! When you invest way too much time, energy, and attention into the wants and needs of others, that means your needs become silenced. You are sending a direct message to yourself that your needs aren’t important.
Whatever you may need in order to thrive and be happy you are closing yourself off to. This is because you are not investing in yourself the way that you do others.
One of my favorite things about choosing to be selfish once a week is knowing that I am doing something good for myself. Do not let the thought of you choosing you, make you feel guilty. Do not debate with yourself about whether or not fulfilling your need is of the most importance right now. You are only as good to others as you are to yourself. If you can’t be good to yourself, you can’t be good to others.
It’s such a back-and-forth motion that we constantly put ourselves through. This is because of how we have been taught to taking meaning from the word selfish, and the actions that we have learned to attach to it. However, when you’re choosing to be selfish for you, it’s not a negative intent. It’s a positive intention that everyone around you will greatly benefit from.
The next time you feel yourself breaking because you’ve gone too long without fulfilling your needs, don’t think twice about it. Instead, take that moment to focus on you, and do so unapologetically.
You’re taking your “me-time” very seriously
This is another example of when it’s ok to be selfish. I’m a huge believer and advocate for engaging in self-care. I believe everyone should engage in it if not daily, at least once a week. When you engage in self-care it would only make sense that you intentionally choose to be selfish. This is a clear reflection of how much value you place on your me-time!
The time that you choose to spend alone can look like so many things. It can be you taking a bubble bath, reading a book, having a glass of wine with your girlfriends (or guy friends), going on a nice walk, getting a massage, treating yourself to a nice dinner, or even binge watching your favorite TV show.
There is no right or wrong way to engage in self-care. Which means that there is no right or wrong way to initiate me-time. When you take the privilege of being able to remove yourself from the presence of everybody for 10 minutes, just to hear your own voice and listen to your own thoughts, you are taking that alone time seriously.
And that’s very important.
You never want to become a stranger to your own voice, your own mind, and even your own heart. You always want to remain connected with you are at your core. The best way to preserve and continuously build upon the relationship that you have with yourself is by taking some time to be alone. I promise you won’t feel lonely, but rather free from the pressure of having to attend to everybody else, without taking time to attend to yourself too.
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You’re giving yourself space to recharge
I promise you that if you do not allow yourself to have space and time to recharge, you will always be operating on a low battery. It’s so important to recharge at least once a day. For some, you may need to recharge multiple times a day. But at the very least do it once. When we engage with others, no matter how that looks, we are using energy.
Energy is literally how we are able to make our bodies move throughout the day. Everything you do requires energy. When you eat, sleep, get dressed, engage in hygiene rituals, have conversations with others, and so much more all requires energy. We release energy in order to engage in these activities. Which means we also need to be sure that we are restoring that energy.
This is probably one of the most important times when you should absolutely be selfish. When you operate on a low battery and you don’t allow yourself to recharge properly, you will always be at low energy. Your energy will not go up until you do what is needed to be done in order to change that. Be selfish about the way you choose to not only release your energy, but also when and how you choose to restore it.
There is nothing intentionally selfish about needing time to recharge. If anything, it’s selfish of others when they refuse to allow you time to recharge. Take matters into your own hands and give that time to yourself at least once a day. It may seem like a selfish act, but the reality of it is that it’s not. In order to hold yourself accountable for this, I say choose to be selfish about doing so. Recharging yourself will make all the difference in how you use your energy.
You’re getting to know yourself better
I love this so much.
The most important part of any self-care routine is understanding that you are doing it for yourself. You are choosing to be selfish in order to make yourself a priority in your life. Which means that there is nothing better than taking advantage of that self-care/me-time to get to know yourself better. A lot of us think we know who we are at our core, but we really don’t.
This is because we don’t really take the time to explore all the differ areas and avenues of what makes us who we are. Instead, we stick to surface level facts about who we are, and we choose to use that as our guide through life.
Well, I say no!
When you choose to be selfish as a means to spend more time with yourself, you will learn things about yourself that you may have never knew. This is because you are taking the time to really explore the different types of activities that either fill you or deplete you. This will give you the opportunity to build a self-care routine that honestly reflects parts of you that make you whole.
It’s hard to really get to know who you are at your core when you don’t give yourself the time to do so. Be selfish in the way you choose to connect with yourself. We are accustomed to finding and discovering who we are through others. However, it’s really through ourselves when we find that truth. Where you discover the most authentic parts of you.
There will never be anything more important than knowing who you authentically are at your core, so be selfish in the way you choose to independently discover this.
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You’re shifting your mindset about self-care
The bottom line to the whole idea of choosing to be selfish when it directly impacts yourself, is understanding that in order to do so there has to be a mindset shift. We are way too comfortable with being of service to others than we are with being of service to ourselves. And that’s a problem. You have to change the way you view the idea of being of service in general.
To be of service means to be helpful. To extend a helping hand in order to contribute to a positive outcome. Which means that you can be of service to yourself in the same way that you can be for others.
In order to understand this and then act upon it you have to change your mindset about it. I can honestly say that for me personally, this mindset shift did not come until I started choosing to be selfish in order to love and care for myself more. The same may be true for you too. When you shift your mindset about what it means to be of service to others, you are also shifting your mindset about what it means to engage in self-care.
Self-care is selfish, but not for the reasons that you may think. It’s selfish because it’s you taking the time to really evolve into the best version of yourself. We cannot conquer this journey if we are not willing to fully commit to it. We are our best selves when we give our best to ourselves. To do that fully will require you to be selfish.
Choose to be selfish so that you can continually grow and evolve into a better version of yourself daily. The journey is not easy, but it is always worth it. Choose to be selfish in the moments that are going to benefit you. Don’t just focus on the betterment of others, but also for yourself. Choosing to love, care, and improve who you are is not a selfish decision, but it is a selfish act that will make what you have to offer the world all the more meaningful and powerful.
So be selfish, especially in the moments when you need it most. Your mind, body, and spirit will continuously thank you for it.
-Xo
Kimora