Let’s face it. We all set goals with the intention of achieving them. We do so well when we’re by ourselves and its only US working on our goals. We have no one to question why we’re doing what we’re doing, if it’s really working, why we felt now was the time to make these changes, etc…
When it’s just us our opinion and validation are the only things that matter. We are 100% clear about what goals we specifically are striving for and the why behind the reasoning for them. Once others get thrown into the mix it can become a big old ball of confusion! This confusion comes from second guessing our why and intentionally seeking that validation from others.
We suddenly place so much value on their opinion that we tend to lose sight of what motivated us from the start. In some cases, this can cause us to completely abandoned ship on all our goals. When this happens, we end up reverting back to the way we were and any growth that we may have experienced between then and now becomes stagnant.
So how do we overcome this struggle? Especially when our goals mean so much to us. How do we block out the opinions and sometimes judgement of others so that we can stay focused on what matters most to us? It’s really simple when you think about it in hindsight. Change your mindset and the environment around you will change as well.
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1. Don’t mind the noise
So much easier said than done but the honest truth is when we block out the opinions of others it’s so much easier to focus on our own. This is because we are only hearing our voice, we are only seeking that validation from ourselves. When this happens, we tend to hold on tight to our goals. The more stable that mindset is the less likely anyone is able to try to change it for us.
For example, it’s always been a goal of mines to become vegan at some point in my life. What makes achieving this goal hard is expressing that want of mines to a family of meat eaters. I was raised a meat eater, so wanting to eliminate it from my diet has been really hard for my family to understand. However, now that I’m much older I understand that it doesn’t matter how I was raised or even what my family thinks of it. If it’s something that I want for myself I have every right to give it to myself.
The same goes for you. You got to just trust that the things you want matter. Trust that you don’t want something just to have it, but that you know deep down inside that it will improve your life in some way. No one else has to agree with it or even understand it. At the end of the day all that matters is living your truth.
If that means setting goals that are personal and meaningful to you because you believe they will change your life for the better, than by all means do so. Just know that when you do you don’t have to explain your reasoning to anyone.
2. Work on them day by day
This is extremely important. We are more likely to achieve something if we are constantly working towards it. If you have a goal that you really want to achieve, don’t hesitate to put in the hard work needed to get you there. In the beginning this can seem so daunting because either the goal seems to big, or as though it will take too long to reach it.
Don’t buy into that fear.
Instead understand that goals are meant to gradually happen in your life. Short-term goals can be achieved in a matter of weeks or months. Long-term goals can take a few months to even years to reach. This doesn’t mean that your goal is farfetched, it just means that it holds value to you and you want to make sure that when you do reach it, it’ll be worth every bit of hard work you put towards it.
Regardless of if you have a long-term or short-term goal make an effort to work towards it. Don’t just set a goal and then put it off for a while. NO! Set a goal and then the very next day get to work on it. Focus is everything when it comes to your goals, and if you’re not constantly thinking about it, then you’re not focused enough to actually achieve it.
3. Understand your why for your goals
Much like what I discussed earlier I think it’s important to know your why. Why do you want this goal? Why now? Don’t ask yourself this for the sake of satisfying someone else. Ask yourself this so that your goals are very clear and specific for you. You always want to know why you are setting a specific goal. This helps to ensure that you are doing it for yourself and no one else.
For example, for the longest time my motivation behind exercise was to please other people. Yes, I wanted to feel confident in my own skin, but the initial motivation to finally start a regular workout routine was to please others. To save people from the “embarrassment” that is my natural body. Once I changed the relationship I had with exercise, and my mindset about the why behind my decision, it took on a whole new meaning for me.
This was because I had gotten clear and specific about what my goal was for having a consistent exercise routine, and I made clear my why behind the motivation.
When you give yourself the power to make changes in your life on your terms it’s so much more meaningful. You will begin to see transformations that reflect what you want, and not somebody else’s idea of the changes they believe you need to make.
Ask yourself the hard questions. Don’t give other people a chance to ask them for you and proceed to fill in the blank. Take control and hold all the power right from the jump. If you have a goal that you are determined to achieve, know the reasoning behind wanting that goal right from the jump. This makes it so much easier to keep your eye on the prize and not be led astray.
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4. Set time aside in the day for your goals specifically
If there was one thing, I wish I had known about goal setting before chasing after my first major goal, it would be to know that I can’t just work on them whenever. When we allow ourselves to fill up our free time with working on our goals, we are telling ourselves from the start that they are not a priority. Your goals should be a priority or else why bother creating them to begin with?
Treat your goals like a business. This means crave out specific times during the day that you will work on your goals, and dedicate that time to actually working on them.
For example, after trying and failing multiple times to create a consistent exercise routine, I finally understood that I couldn’t just workout when I found the time. I had to sit down and really think about what time of day do I have the most time to be the most committed to achieving this goal. Once I found the answer I was looking for, it became so much easier to work towards it.
You have to train your mind and body to work in the same way. Where can dedicate more time to actually make this goal a reality for you? When we have specific times and days when we will work towards a goal it makes our overall commitment to that goal more realistic. Often times when we set goals, we set them with the intention of achieving them, but no real game plan to help us get there.
Having a schedule of some sort eliminates this problem for you. You have specific times that you are committing to working on your goals, so there is a game plan in place for every step of the journey.
5. Be patient with yourself
Above all be patient. I know what it feels like to have an idea pop into your mind, to fantasize about what it may actually feel like to live out that idea, and then to get yourself so excited about turning that idea into reality that you just want to prance at it right then and there. We think up something amazing and we want it to happen the second that idea seems like a realistic possibility for us.
But this is real life and in real life ideas do not work that way. Our mind is powerful and magical but it cannot grant us the things we want right on the spot. Instead we have to create and follow a system that is going to help us best turn that idea into reality. Which means we have to practice patience with ourselves.
No goal is ever achieved overnight unless it’s something that you are striving to do as soon as you wake up. For example, setting a goal to wake up at 6 o’clock in the morning. Of course, you can achieve this goal no problem! All you have to do is set your alarm for 6:00am, and when it goes off actually get up out of bed.
However, when we are setting goals that are going to be life changing, that hold value and meaning to us, they cannot be achieved overnight. They need time to marinate, to be planted properly, nurtured and cared for, before they blossom right before our eyes. This is not an overnight process. This is something that will take months to do, and if we rush the growth of ourselves and our dreams, then we are cheating ourselves out of true intent of achieving them.
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Conclusion
Focusing on anything in general can be a challenge. Staying focused on our goals is so hard. This is because we are inclined to want to share a goal with someone else and get their thoughts and opinions about it.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it for validation? Is it so that we feel grounded and secured in what we want? Is it for support? Or is it just because it’s human nature to share good and exciting news with others? I believe nine times out of ten it’s latter.
When something excites us and moves us in a way that literally makes us light up inside, we can’t help but want to share that feeling of euphoria with someone else. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe that goals are easier to achieve when we share them with people who we believe will support us unconditionally.
However, I’m also very aware that when we share what is meant to be exciting news with others, we shouldn’t always expect them to feel the same way. Instead, I like to take on the motto where we hope for the best but are prepared for the worst.
The reality is that others may genuinely be happy for you and choose to support you unconditionally right from the start to the very end. People can also be happy for you and have a desire to control every aspect of your goal until they bring to fruition what they envision.
A lot of the time this is either out of greed or envy for what you are determined to achieve.
The best way to keep this negative energy out of your life so that you can stay focused on your goals is to be secured in everything you are going to have to change in order to get there. This may be your environment, your support system, your mindset, your habits, the length of your goal, the reasoning behind your goal, or maybe even the way you envision your goal.
Find comfort and security in what it is that you are chasing after so that no one else has the opportunity to snatch it away from you. That is the main ingredient for staying focused on your goals not matter what. Trusting that you are the only one in control and everyone else is just a passenger on your journey.
Once you’re secured in that area of life nothing in this world will be able to hold you back.
-Xo
Kimora