“I believe that self-discipline is the definition of self-love.” – Will Smith
Who doesn’t love Will Smith!?!? I mean he’s funny, sweet, genuine in everything that he does (or so I like to believe), and he’s literally everyone’s personal Yoda. I watched this video of Will Smith the other day in which he was talking about self-discipline. Will Smith defines self-discipline as self-love.
As silly as this may or may not sound, I think there is a lot of truth to this. When we love ourselves, we treat ourselves with the upmost respect. That level of respect channels through our behaviors, our actions, our thoughts, and even our emotions. It channels through everything that we do. That love and respect that we have for ourselves colors us pretty and makes us a force to be reckoned with, but in a good way.
Who doesn’t want that kind of energy in their life? I know I most certainly do, and if you’re reading this post then I think it’s safe to assume that you do too.
So how do we channel this energy? Well, there are three ways we do this. Or should I say three types of disciplines that help us do this. Those three types of disciplines are through self-love, self-worth, and self-control.
Self-Love
To love oneself is to have the upmost respect for thyself. It’s one of the most basic forms of love that we learn. We know how to love other people. Some of our first real love in our lifetime will always be our parents and siblings if we have any. This love isn’t necessarily created out of the relationship that you may have with your family members, but more so created out of the love that you share with your family members. That love is a love simply created out of appreciation for ones’ presence. In being brave enough to unselfishly love others we learn to selfishly love ourselves.
I think it’s important to love yourself selfishly. Why? Well, when we love ourselves unconditionally and we do so in a very selfish manner, we are constantly reminding ourselves that we have value. We are constantly reminding ourselves that we matter, that we are important, and that our existence in this world will not go unnoticed. In addition to that I believe that the more we love ourselves the easier it becomes for us to love others. This is because once you value yourself as the King or Queen, Prince or Princess that you are, you learn to never let anyone take that value away from you.
“When you say that you love yourself, that means that you have behavior towards yourself that is loving.” – Will Smith
Self-Worth
Worth goes hand in hand with value. If you value yourself then you understand that you are worth more than millions. This is a very important lesson that we all must learn and carry with us as we move through life. Knowing your level of worth will guarantee yourself and others every time that you will not be taken for granted or made to feel less than what you really are. Unlike self-love this is not something we learn at a very young age. Instead it is something that we learn as get older. The more we learn about ourselves, our values, our morals, our passions, and our dreams, the more we begin to understand just how important we are to this world.
Society likes to make us feel invaluable. Especially in today’s society. We see it all the time. In the way women are portrayed in the media, the expectations that are placed upon men, it’s a never ending (yet) of the need to constantly live up to someone else’s vision of what makes a man a man, or a woman a woman. It’s ridiculous and I call bullshit on it. What makes a man a man, or a woman a woman is a person who understands with full confidence who they are. We don’t discover this understanding through the view of others, we discover it within ourselves. We discover our self-worth by understanding all the things that make us, us.
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Self-Control
Control tends to have a negative connotation to it. Often times when we think of control we think of it in the sense of having control over others. However, I’m here to tell you that we all need to start practicing the mindfulness of understanding that to be in control does not necessarily mean to have control. To be in control means to that you understand the various ways in which you operate. You understand your triggers, the buttons can be pushed to turn you into a mean person, the things that you want in life and just how you are going to get it. To be in control means that you are aware of your presence and the energy that you give to and receive from the presence of others. You understand your behaviors, your emotions, your thoughts, and how you manifest them in this world.
To be in control of all of those things means that you have self-control. Having self-control will serve you greatly in this world, especially when you have self-love and self-worth to go along with it. When you have self-control, you are constantly aware of your place in this world, your purpose for this life, and the things that will and will not require your energy. That self-control will feed your self-love and self-worth and ultimately guide you to where it is you desire to be in life. Having self-control will allow you to always be clear about what your goals and desires in life are, and will you give the necessary discipline to achieve them all.
“Fail early, fail often, fail forward.” – Will Smith
For most people it takes years to develop and maintain a healthy and consistent sense of self-love, self-worth, and self-control. Some people get lucky (like I think I did) and they are just aware of who they are, the things they want in life, and the kind of energy they want to put out and receive from this world at a very young age. Regardless of where you may or may not fall on this spectrum, understand that it is an ongoing process. No matter how old or wise you become you will always have to learn new ways to love yourself, discover new ways to value yourself, and understand new ways to be in control of your life.
I’m a firm believer in the idea of failing forward. Mistakes are nothing more than mistakes. You can’t underdo them, you can’t go back in time and make different decisions, and you can’t pretend as though they never happened. The way I see it you have two options. You can either beat yourself up over your mistakes forever, or you can learn from them and keep moving forward. If you choose the second option then you are choosing to fail forward. By choosing to fail forward you are acknowledging that there is no such thing as perfect. There is just right and wrong, but never perfect.
So, the next time you find yourself beating yourself up because you skipped out on going to the gym, or because you quit the job that was bring you so much misery and now your struggling even more than you were before to find a way to pay your bills, that life is not about always getting it right. Life is about failing. It’s about failing often, failing early, and failing forward. It’s about learning the necessary ways in which you must discipline yourself in order to continually fail often, fail early, and fail forward.
Life is about learning how to love yourself, understand your worth, and be in control of your life.
Don’t ever forget that.
“Self-discipline is self-love. If you want to be happy you have to love yourself. Which means you have to discipline your behavior.” – Will Smith
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-Xo
Kimora