THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILATE LINKS. PLEASE READ MY DISCLOSURE FOR MORE INFO.
Hello everybody!
How is the Spring season treating you so far? I’ve been having a huge struggle with my allegories this season. It almost seems like it’s never going to end. I’m constantly sneezing, my nose is constantly going back and forth with being so stuffy that I can’t breathe, to running so bad that I can’t go a second without blowing it. Not to mention that my eyes are always itching. Seriously they are always itching. To make matters worse, these symptoms seem to hit its peak during the nighttime. Which as you can imagine makes sleeping at night very hard for me. Needless to say, I’m riding the struggle bus this Spring season.
Also, what’s up with this weather!?! If you live in Colorado then you know that the weather has been more than unreliable. Three days of nice almost perfect weather and then out of nowhere snow. Seriously? I’m so over the snow it’s not even funny. Like Winter is over so please beautiful white snow go away. If you’re going to give me “bad weather” then at least rain! It can even hail I’ll be ok with that. Anything would be better than more snow. So please, snow go away!
Setting unfavorable weather aside, I want to share a little story with you guys.
As the final classes of my acting class approaches (I’m still a little bitter sweet about this) all the students have been given a final play/scene that we will perform for our graduation night. Sounds exciting, right? Well it is, sort of. See here’s the thing…
I’ve been given a scene to perform with my scene partner which borders on a little bit of a romance, and a little bit of a drama. In the beginning I was excited to perform the scene. My scene partner and I had been coming up with ideas on how to best perform the scene in terms that we were both comfortable with. As we progressed through the class and trying different methods, my amazing teacher came up with the idea of us just sort of taking the blocking notes leading up to the climate of the scene, directly from the script.
This is where things start to get a little awkward for me.
Normally I would be ok with this, and I was in the beginning. Honestly, I was. Trial and error, that’s what life and acting is all about. You try something out and if it works it works, if it doesn’t then you keep trying until you find something that does. Well in the beginning I’ll admit that it was extremely awkward! My teacher wanted my scene partner and I to be in bed with each other and approach the scene as if we had just got done having amazing sex.
Yes, you read that right.
Let me start off by saying that I had never worked with my scene partner in class before on any assignment, and I didn’t know my scene partner all that well either. To top it all off (which honestly shouldn’t really matter but to me for some reason it does, to some extent anyways) he has like 15 years on me. So yes, this was a very awkward approach for me given the circumstances that I was operating under. I struggled with this approach for a couple of weeks, not really being able to find my own sense of comfort with the newly suggested approach to the scene. Just recently my teacher suggested that we take things up a notch just to help the scene make more sense for the audience.
Again, totally awkward in the beginning. In fact, we’ve only practiced this newly suggested approach to the scene once, and I’m honestly not looking forward to doing it again.
As an actress I try my best not to immediately write off things that make me uncomfortable. It’s hard being an actor/actress and if anyone tells you otherwise they are most certainly not telling you the truth. One thing actors/actresses really have to learn to do is be comfortable with the uncomfortable. This gets accomplished by using a wealth of skills that you develop as an actor/actress throughout your career. Despite using the skills that I have been taught to get myself through this scene, I just can’t seem to find my own sense of comfort with it.
The other day I was thinking about this scene that I am suppose to perform with my scene partner. I was trying to figure out why I was struggling with finding my own sense of comfort with it to be able to perform the scene to the best of my ability with my scene partner. He’s a good guy, I’m a good girl, we’re both serious actors, so what’s the problem? Why do I find these very simply blocking suggestions so awkward to execute?
Then it hit me, clear as day as to what my problem was. My problem was that this scene requires a certain level of intimacy that I was not comfortable with. It wasn’t the fact that I felt completely awkward doing the blocking that my teacher has suggested for the scene, it was the fact that I am literally uncomfortable with doing the blocking my teacher has suggested for the scene.
My scene partner is a great guy. He’s very kind, respectful of women, and a serious actor which I always appreciate about another actor. Despite all of that the truth is I’m very uncomfortable with performing this scene with him in the ways that have been suggested. I don’t know if it’s because of his age, because I’m just not into him like that, or because I don’t know him that well at all to be able to be as intimate as she wants me to be with him. Either way, one thing is for sure, I’m uncomfortable with our approach to this scene.
My problem is that I can’t tell that to my teacher because she will just challenge me on that. There’s nothing wrong with challenging me as an actress if it’s going to make me a better one, but I do have a problem with being uncomfortable for the first half of this scene. Even though it is only for about a minute, I’m not totally open to the idea of trying to find my groove and comfort in a situation that is literally making me uncomfortable. And I know what you’re all probably thinking, I’ve thought it too. It’s only a minute probably even less, that I have to be extremely uncomfortable for, I will survive.
I keep telling myself this, and I will keep telling myself this for the next month. But I can’t deny the way I feel when I have to perform this scene in this way. So, in an attempt to help myself find my own sense of comfort with this issue, and to not let my scene partner down, I thought I would turn to taking in strength and power from things that I find empowerment in.
As silly as it sounds, one of my greatest forms of empowerment has always been books. Books for me are almost the solution to any problem that I have. I just feel like it’s the perfect escape from reality and that escape helps me make sense of the reality that I have to live in every day. So that’s where my journey in search of empowerment to help me get through these last few acting classes will begin.
Since I’m a woman I feel most empowered when I gather my strength from other women. Therefore, I have complied a list of books all about female empowerment in order to gather my strength! Hopefully they will inspire you the way they have and are inspiring me.
1. The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer
2. The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
3. Around the Way Girl: A Memoir by Taraji P. Henson
6. Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick
7. A New Model: What Confidence, Beauty, and Power Really Look Like by Ashley Graham
8. The Not So Subtle Art of Being A Fat Girl: Loving the Skin You’re In by Tess Holliday
9. We’re Going to Need More Wine: Stories That Are Funny, Complicated, and True by Gabrielle Union
10. This Is Just My Face: Try Not to Star by Gabourey Sidibe
11. The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Haddish
These books are so inspiring and empowering when it comes to being comfortable in the skin that you are in. I believe in full confidence that, that may be what the overall problem for me is. I’m just not comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to showcase this level of intimacy comfortably. It has always been a struggle for me to be 100% comfortable in my own skin. These past couple of years I have been working really hard on my confidence by working out, drinking more water, and just taking the extra time to engage in weekly self-care. When I practice these things on a regular basis I will admit, I do feel more comfortable in my skin and more confident in who I am.
However, I have been slacking on participating these techniques as of late, which is one big reason why I think this scene is so hard for me. In addition to that, I’ve been struggling with finding a way to get back into the groove of things and I think a big part of that is because I’ve just stop believing in myself and in my potential. My goal is to find my confidence, my strength, and my power again through books like these.
If you feel you have lost your way, or that you may need a little bit of female empowerment in your life, I highly suggest you check out some books about empowerment. May it be the ones listed above, or ones that you have discovered on your own, it never hurts to use something physical as inspiration to kick your butt back into gear. We’ve got this, ladies!
Do you know of any books of empowerment or inspiration to help you get back on track with your goals? If so share them with me below, you know I’d love to hear about it!
Until next time love bugs!
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-Xo
Kimora
Love this post! Very relatable and eye-opening. I’m currently diving into Eat Pray Love so was excited to see it on your list.
I’m also having a hard time in my own skin. More now than when I was younger… I was hoping it’d change with age 😆 Definitely not the case.
I’ve recently tried to focus on eating to fuel my body, yoga for strength and relaxation and figuring out what the heck I want in life.
Thanks for this post!