Agh! Just the title alone made me cringe a little, haha. Something that most people are always surprised to learn about me is that I’m a huge introvert. Why is this always so surprising? Honestly, I don’t know. I have ideas as to why, like maybe it’s because I’m so outspoken, and I talk to people, and I don’t ever appear to be shy (even though I’m really shy). But those are just ideas, that I can actually justify!
I’m so outspoken because I’m an outspoken person. I like to speak my mind with no filters, and let my opinions and beliefs be known when I feel it is necessary. I do talk to people, only when approached first or if I’m already comfortable around you. I’m not going to approach a stranger and immediately engage in conversation, but if that stranger approaches me first, I will engage in conversation.
I only make the first move if I’m comfortable with you. Despite what people may think or say, I am VERY shy. I only appear to not be shy because when I’m really nervous I get this adrenaline high that completely takes over and overpowers my shyness. Therefore, I don’t appear to be shy but I promise you that, that shyness is just being overpowered by my nerves!
With all that being said, I don’t know why people are surprised to learn that I’m an introvert. I guess I just don’t carry myself as an introvert, which in that case I can completely agree.
As an introvert it’s really hard for me to be social. It’s not that I don’t like being social, it’s just a challenge for me. I’m always worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing, like offending somebody when I didn’t’ mean to. I also have a fear of constantly being judge, even when people genuinely aren’t judging me, I still feel like somewhere deep down inside they are. To top it all off I’m aware that I live by a very different life code than most people my age, and that doesn’t always sit well with others, which of course leads to more fear of judgement.
If you’re curious about my life code it’s to never grow up. And I literally have no intentions of growing up. However, that’s another topic for another time 😊.
Now that I’m approaching my mid 20s I’ve come to realize three things.
- My social and personal life consists of only my family
- There are moments when I’m by myself, that I would actually like to spend with someone else
- I have no life outside of my family. A.K.A a healthy and engaging social life
None of this is bad, it’s just very eye opening and sad that the only people I trust and feel comfortable around are my family. I know a lot of this comes from many unpleasant experiences I have had in my life, but still, no one outside of my family plays an important part in my life. That needs to change.
If you’re anything like me, then you’ve come to the right place. Here are 5 ways to be more outgoing, from an introvert’s perspective of course!
Find your kind of people
Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, and you will not be everyone’s cup of tea. The key to being more outgoing is to find like-minded people. That means to surround yourself with people who think like you, have the same kind of interests like you, and even to some extent have the same goals in life like you.
When we surround ourselves with people who are like us we automatically step forward on a more comfortable and confident foot. Why? Because there is no fear in being judge about every little detail that makes you who you are. There’s no fear because we already know that there’s something in common between the two, because that’s what attracted us to them to begin with.
So find your kind of people.
Work on your confidence
Trust me I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit. In fact, we all have been there more times than we’d like to admit. I’m talking about when your confidence was at an all-time low. It can be really hard to be outgoing and social when your lacking in the confidence department. When we don’t have the confidence to be seen or heard by others, we automatically close ourselves off from others.
You have to break free of this bad habit if you want to be more outgoing. That’s not to say you aren’t entitled to days when your confidence isn’t at a 10, because you are. All this means is that you have to learn to be comfortable and confident in the skin you’re in, and with who you are. Our personalities will always shine brighter than whatever we may showcase on the outside. Find your truth, embrace it, and set forth with it. There is absolutely no one else on this planet like you.
Don’t let negative experiences influence you
Sometimes introverts create a safe zone for us to stay in based off of negative experiences we may have had. I think this is normal for absolutely anyone. Introverts just happen to be really good at it. However, living a life where you avoid being social or outgoing simply because you’ve had too many negative social experiences in your life is not the way to live. You have to rise above those experiences, find a way to make them positive, and not let them influence any positive social experiences you could potentially have.
Trust me I know this isn’t easy. But that’s the reason why we have to surround ourselves with like-minded people, as mentioned above. Chances are that they have had a negative social experience much like yours, or in a way where you can relate to them. If that ever is the case (which it usually is), that automatically gives you something to bond over, which could spark a conversation, which could potentially lead to a lifelong friendship. You never know what could come from letting go. So just do it, let go and don’t let your past experiences influence new ones.
Smile often
I’ve been told that a smile can go a long way. It’s true too! A smile really can go a long way. It doesn’t require much energy either. All you have to do it pull the corner of your lips up into the shape of the letter U, and hold it for a couple of seconds. Show some teeth if you’re feeling extra happy. But never force a smile, it’s not fair to yourself or to the person you are extending the smile to.
A smile is a sign of kindness and kindness goes a long way. I bet you’re wondering how smiling more often can help you be more outgoing. Well, here’s how I see it. When you smile at people you are inviting them to approach or engage with you in some kind of way. This may be by them returning the smile, or by giving them the silent nod of approval that it’s ok to come up and talk to you. However you see it, smiling is one sure way to open yourself up to others and slowly work your way towards becoming a more outgoing individual.
Make the first move
Not something I’m good and I’m sure most of my introverts can agree with me on this. Making the first move means to be the first one to engage in conversation (I know what ya’ll were thinking). Sometimes a sure way to spark the motivation to be more outgoing is simply by being the first person to say “hello”. Not the easiest thing in the world to do, but also not the scariest. You have to find a happy medium between your nerves and shyness, and the possibility of creating something beautiful and magical.
One way to make the first move is to just simply get out of your head. Don’t think about all the times you approached someone and it didn’t work out as you had hoped. Don’t think about all the times someone approached you and you responded in a way that was unintentional, but definitely scared them away. Don’t think about anything negative, what could go wrong, or what you should try to do right. Just do it. Go up to someone and say “hello”. Five letters, one word. And keep it moving. That’s all it takes. The rest will become history.
That’s it for Part 1 of how to be more outgoing, from an introvert’s perspective. What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? Or maybe you have some other tips that you’d like to share!? You know I’d love to hear them.
It’s not hard to be outgoing, but it sure is a challenge. However, everything in moderation. Including training yourself to be a more outgoing person. Stick around for Part 2. I’ve got 5 more ways to share with you, from an introvert’s perspective of course 😊!
Until next time my introverted and extroverted love bugs!
-Xo
Kimora
Great article, thank you! Making the first move is something I should really practice more. I think that’s like exercising or something; once you do it more often, it gets easier.
Exactly! That’s exactly how you should think about it. I really struggle with making the first move too, but like you said the more you do it the easier it gets. We can work on this together!