Hi guys!
It’s been a busy couple of weeks for me lately. The good kind of busy though. You know, the type of busy when shit gets done. That’s the kind of busy I’ve had for the past two weeks. Usually I’d be totally exhausted and somewhat upset about it, but this time I’m not. I guess that’s because it’s all for a greater cause in my life.
Labor Day weekend came and went. I’ve never been a fan of this weekend/holiday. Don’t ask me why, I just get any kind of feeling from it. In fact, I honestly even forgot it was Labor Day weekend, and that Monday was Labor Day. Even with my mother reminding me every other day last week, it just didn’t stick.
That’s beside the point though. How was yours? What did you do? I’d love to hear about it.
Usually my family and I have a big BBQ dinner and watch movies. Not this time though. My mother went out of town with one of her friends, and I spent the weekend recovering from a tough week of life. I did do something fun for Labor Day though.
On Labor Day, my older brother and I took my nephew to the zoo! We met up with a couple of his friends from preschool, and they all had a blast. However, supervising four toddlers in one big open setting, with the divided responsibility of watching and protecting them for four hours…I don’t know how ANYBODY does it.
Four toddler boys all running around the zoo! I could easily say it was a nightmare but it wasn’t. It was slightly hectic, but the good kind of hectic. Not the kind of hectic where you want to yell and rip your hair out, but at the same time you don’t because no one is really in any kind of danger, and you’re not on the verge of losing your mind. The kind of hectic when it’s just really loud and there’s a lot of action happening, but you know it’s ok because everyone is smiling and laughing
Anyways, that was my Labor Day celebration and honestly, I enjoyed the break from the “traditional” family dinner. It gave me time to really take a step back and re-evaluate my life and priorities.
As I watched my nephew and his friends run around the zoo, take in every detail and the simplest of behaviors from the animals, eat lunch at a table that I most certainly would not have approved of outside of the zoo gates (it was so disgusting!), and all the while just laugh and appreciate one another’s company, I found a sense of peace within me.
I haven’t felt peace within me in a long time. I know a big part of that has been due to my commitment to school, acting, and taking care of my family. Even when I officially finished school, my commitments remained to my acting and caring for my family, but for some reason my job also became a commitment of mines. I know logically it was due to the fact that in order for me to effectively care for my family, I need to be in a stable enough position financially to be able to do so, but I didn’t realize what I was giving up.
I was giving up my peace of mind and the peace that once existed within me. Yes, I love acting and my family will always be a main priority of mines, but I always told myself that I wouldn’t invest in them deeply (emotionally and mentally) if it would cost me my happiness.
Ever since I started my current job I’ve had less time to spend with my nephew and my family. Which means less time to take him to the movies, to go to Target and reward him for all the good, effective, and appreciative things he does. Less time to teach him how to ride his two-wheel bike, less time to read books all day, especially before going to bed. Less time to go to the park…just less time for him.
I’ve also had less time to watch movies with my family, to really sit down and have thoughtful discussions about life. Less time to play video games with my brother, less time to watch Anime. Just less time to let them know that I am here and I am making myself available for them.
A big part of that is because I am working overnights and I’m working more days than I have ever worked since I entered the workforce. And that makes me sad. My nephew may be five, but I know he understands my schedule is a little wacky right now. It’s that understanding that has created a great disturbance within me because I don’t like the idea of him possibly thinking I don’t have the time for him. And my family may all be adults, but I know they understand that life just gets in the way sometimes, and when that happens it can be hard to push it to the side.
I’ve always told myself that no matter what I do in life and where I go, my family will always be my number one priority. I will always make sure that they are ok in their life, before I mentally check out of their life to check in with mines. For the most part I have done an ok job with doing that, but not when it comes to myself.
That day at the zoo I realized how unhappy I currently am. I’m unhappy because once again, I’m not where I want to be in life. But not only because of that. The main source of my unhappiness is because I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve been putting more time, focus, and energy into making sure that we are staying financially afloat, and not enough time, focus, and energy into making sure that not only is everyone around me happy, but that I’m happy as well.
I’ve been emotionally neglecting my family and myself.
For those four hours I spent at the zoo with my nephew and his friends, my older brother, and the two lovely moms who also accompanied us, I thought of four ways I could turn my frown upside down. I thought of four simple ways I could make my life a little richer in value starting right now (when I was still at the zoo). And I’m going to share them with you.
Trust your instincts
We know when things are not right. We try to let logic always control everything but we can’t. Sometimes there are just things that happen in life that logic cannot explain. So, when logic fails trust your instincts, they will never lead you astray.
Go for the gold
If you’re unhappy don’t tell yourself you have to suffer through it. Nobody has to give up their happiness for the sake of anything else. We all have one life to live, and we should live it the way our heart screams at us to. So don’t settle, don’t suffer, and don’t push through anything that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.
Keep your eye on the prize
Have goals, dreams, and ambitions in life. Those are the things that are going to keep you on track and in line with the things in life that are of priority to you. Those are also the things that you shouldn’t sacrifice or give up for anybody at any cost. Those are very precious jewels that we all have the pleasure to possess. Therefore, we should hold tight to them and let them be our guide, strength, reasoning, and motivation to move through life.
Know it all comes from within
Our choices are our own to make. Nobody can make our decisions for us. They can be the hand that feeds us but ultimately, we are always in control of our thoughts and our actions. Know that it all comes from within. Everything we say or do in our life comes from an instinct or an impulse that exists within us waiting to be set free.
Thinking about these things really helped me find some peace within myself this past Labor Day. I’ve been living life in the fast lane and it’s about time that I slow down. I can’t let life just past me by, I need to be conscious enough to enjoy the ride.
Ever since then I have felt this big weight be lifted off my shoulders. I find myself laughing a little less, and not necessarily forcing a smile on my face. I even find myself engaging in less conversation, but it’s all because I’m checking in with myself more often and enjoying the peace that I am finding within.
It’s only been a couple of days but I’m learning and discovering new ways to hold on to that peace. Young they may be, but children will always have the ability to teach us something new, important, and valuable about life that we may have always known, but may have been to blind to see. And it will always come at the most unexpected moments in our life.
All I ask of you is to remember to stop and re-evaluate your life from time to time. You may or may not have everything that you want, and you may or may not be where you want to be. Regardless of what your case is, just remember to re-evaluate your life every now and then. It never hurts to make it a little richer in value.
-Xo
Kimora