You know that famous question, “what’s your biggest fear?” Well, the other day I caught myself running through everything that I fear in my life. Why? Well to simply put it, I’ve been having a really hard time with accomplishing a lot of tasks and goals lately, which has been bringing to light one of my biggest fears.
One of my biggest fears is failure. Failure to myself, to others, and even failing to achieve a goal. Pretty much anything that has to do with failure I am deathly afraid of. I know what you’re thinking, everybody has failed, or will fail at some point and time in their life. I am completely aware of this, but for me personally, failure is the most devastating thing I personally could ever experience.
To better help you understand this fear, I will provide a brief history as to why and how I actually developed this fear. When I was younger I always felt the pressure to succeed. Whether it was in school, at home, with friends, or with goals set by myself or others, I always felt the pressure to successfully accomplish whatever task was placed before me. That pressure is something that I have been dealing with since I was about 10 years old, and as the years have gone by it’s been weighing heavier and heavier on me.
However, this year I’ve been doing a really good job with not letting the pressure of always succeeding weigh on me so heavily. For the most part, I’ve been successful at this, just accepting that sometimes things don’t go as planned and that’s no reason to beat myself up. Although I would be lying if I said there weren’t days when I find myself slowly slipping back into this bad habit. The habit of needing to succeed at all costs. Lately, not being able to accomplish all the tasks that I have put on my list of things to accomplish lately, has been putting me down in the dumps.
The other day I was reflecting back on my daily tasks in my personal life and how far I had come in accomplishing each of them. Reflecting back on them made me realize the amount of pressure I was putting on myself to accomplish them all within an unrealistic timely manner. Yes, time is of the essence because completing these tasks will help me move on with my career and my goals, but no, I should not be stressing over them as much as I am because great things take time to create.
I logically know that the more pressure I put on myself to rush through and complete these tasks, the less likely those results will be something worthwhile.
So naturally I am passing this wisdom onto you. If you too constantly feel pressured to always succeed, or lately you’ve had a lot on your plate and haven’t been able to accomplish everything within the time frame you have given yourself…please don’t beat yourself up! Trust me I know it can be so frustrating to tell yourself that you are going to get something done, just for it not to get done for whatever reason it may be. However, we can’t let that frustration manifest into the idea and feeling that we have failed.
That manifestation will do absolutely nothing but contribute to all the negative thoughts and feeling we may already have running around in our head. The best way to avoid this is to acknowledge your fears head on, and make the conscious decision to do something about them. So here are 5 ways to face your fears head on.
5 ways to face your fears head on
- Acknowledge when negative or unusual emotions are taking over
Having the ability to know when your mind and body are out of balance is the key to acknowledging when something is wrong in your life and within yourself. Often times negative thoughts creep into our minds without warning. When this happens we slowly begin to change very little things in our everyday life that have become a part of our daily routine, or an important part of our personality. Those changes are what causes us to experience an emotional difference in things that evoke a specific, or commonly noticeable emotion about us. For example, if you are generally happy to work out in the morning, but for some reason you’ve been having a very negative outlook on it lately, this is something to be aware of.
When we acknowledge these differences, we are allowing ourselves the chance to redirect that behavior and specific emotion. Redirecting that behavior or emotion will automatically allow yourself to begin to connect the pieces of the puzzle, in order to identify where these thoughts or emotions came from. Generally speaking, you will find that it probably came from a fear of something.
Chances are you did something, heard something, saw something, or had an experience of some kind (direct or indirect) that created a fear within you. That fear then slowly began to manifest itself into your consciousness, encouraging you to abandon ship and give in to the darkness. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way. Catch yourself when this begins to happen and don’t be afraid to redirect that behavior. Accepting the truth is always the first step in achieving, accomplishing, or overcoming anything.
- Have coping mechanisms
You would think this one would be a no-brainer but the truth of the matter is that it is not. If you don’t know what a coping mechanism is then I’ll be happy to share that knowledge with you! A coping mechanism is something that you do in order to re-center your thoughts. The overall goal here is to reduce stress. This looks different for everyone, and can look different for every situation. Some common coping mechanisms are listening to music, squeezing a stress ball, going on a walk, working out, or even writing.
It’s important to have coping mechanisms because the main goal of our fears, is to psych us into thinking that whatever roadblock is currently in our way, is going to win in the end. This is not true, it’s only your fear of what is presently in front of you that is telling you that. A coping mechanism basically helps you stand your ground. It helps you check in with yourself, evaluate the situation at hand, and make an effective plan on how to move forward.
When facing your fears head on it’s a good idea to have these coping mechanisms handy. That way you can deal with the situation right on the spot, instead of having the opportunity to run away and then pep talk yourself up to face it once again.
- Tell yourself the opposite of whatever your fears are telling you
One way our fears always win is by telling us to run away! Ignore that voice at all costs! You do not have to run away from your fears, even though I know you really want to. Instead, stand your ground and make the decision to remain in control. Fears are a blessing and a curse all at the same time. They are a blessing because they reveal something new about ourselves that we may not have known, or that others may not have known about us. They are a curse because they can so easily throw us back to some of the most traumatic times in our lives, and absolutely nobody wants to relive those memories again.
By telling ourselves the opposite of what our fears are trying to tell us, we are allowing ourselves to remain in control of our conscious thoughts. When your fears tell you to run away, you tell yourself to stay. When your fears tell you, you are weak, you tell yourself you are strong. When your fears tell you, you will not win, you tell yourself that you will.
Tell yourself the opposite. Always combat the negative thoughts and emotions with positive ones. This not only will build upon your mental strength, but it will help you create the habit of positive pep talking to yourself. Pep talking can help build upon your confidence. Everybody knows or at least understands that a truly confident person can bounce back from hardships faster, and with a little more stride than those who may not be as confident.
- Don’t run away, face it head on
Again, don’t fun away from your fears. Don’t allow them to have power over you and to seep into your consciousness. Instead, stand your ground and face them head on. Dealing with your fears is much like dealing with a lot of hardships in life. If we allow them to have power over us then they will. We don’t want that (or at least I hope you don’t). What we want is to keep the power in our hands.
The best way to do this is to choose to deal with the situation at hand as soon as it happens. I understand that not everyone can react to things as fast as most, and for some of us it may take a few minutes for the reality of what’s going on around us to sink in. Once it does though, don’t sit on any impulses. Instead act on them, BUT in the opposite fashion. If your impulse tells you to run, don’t run. Instead choose to stay. If your impulse tells you to crawl in a corner and cry, don’t do it. Instead, plant your feet further into the ground and hold your head even higher.
If we ran away from every little thing that scares us, we would never grow as humans. Facing your greatest fears head on allows for you to grow. It also reveals things about you that you may have never known were a part of you all along. It brings to light your greatest strengths which in the end will always overshadow your most noticeable weaknesses.
- Know that in the end you will be a stronger person
By far the best advice I could ever give anybody when it comes to facing their fears, is the comfort in knowing that you will come out on the other said a much stronger person. Remember, the goal of our fears is to strike right at the core. That core is our weakness. If you deflect that strategy and instead choose to go toe to toe with your fears, then you will win. Not only will you win but you will become a much stronger version of yourself.
Re-cap/conclusion
So, what are some key ingredients to conquering your fears? Well here are the 5 ways to face your fears head on that we discussed.
- Acknowledge when negative or unusual emotions are taking over
- Have coping mechanisms
- Tell yourself the opposite of what your fears are telling you
- Don’t run away, face it head on
- Know that in the end you will be a stronger person
Our fears can and will take over if we allow them to. It doesn’t matter how many enemies or frenemies you have throughout your lifetime; your greatest fears will always be your greatest enemy. So why not choose to greet those fears with open arms? Greet them with open arms and make the decision to overcome them.
It’s not easy for a lot us and that’s ok. However, something I have learned is that when something isn’t easy to accomplish it usually means that it is worth the frustration. When something scares us it usually means that we are heading in the right direction with our lives.
So, the next time you find yourself face to face with your greatest fear, or anything that literally strikes fear in you, don’t run away. Face it head on and overcome the weakness that it is trying to instill in you.
I promise you’ll live a more comfortable, happier, and secured life. A bonus to this is that it will help you build on your confidence, and teach you things about yourself that you may have never known Discovering more things about yourself that make you awesome and unique is never a bad thing. In fact, it’s actually something exciting to look forward to.
-Xo
Kimora