It’s important to know yourself inside and out. Why? Well, knowing yourself inside and out means that know yourself better than anybody else possibly could. This includes your significant other (though they should know you fairly well), your best friend, and even your family members.
If you have not already done the following then you need to get on board with this now. Get into the habit of spending quality time with yourself. What I mean by this is make sure that you take some much-needed time throughout the day (and your life) to really explore your personality, hobbies, and interests. It’s important to really know yourself because when we are secure and confident in who we are, no one can waver our self-love and self-control.
It’s such a silly thing to think that we couldn’t possibly know ourselves as well as we like to think we do. However, the honest truth is a lot of people do not know themselves as well as they think they do. This could mainly be because they aren’t taking the time to really explore the little things that make them who they are.
Being very familiar, confident, and secure in who we are helps us build happy and fulfilled lives. We get to this point in our life by finding the confidence within ourselves to be the one in control of our lives. When we are the ones who are in control of our life, we are able to build the life that we want for ourselves. This is because we know the vision we see for our future and the control helps us fulfill that vision.
Think about this as if you were driving a car. You have a destination to get to and the only way to get there is to be the one behind the wheel who is driving the car, and essentially guiding yourself and the car to that destination. In order to get to our destination, we have to be in control of the car. Our lives are very much like this. In order to fulfill the vision, we have for ourselves we have to be in control of our life.
Having the courage, confidence, and ability to be in control of your life means that you know yourself very well, and you trust your instincts. Much like knowing yourself well, trusting your instincts will serve you well throughout your life. However, this power and strength that comes from the courage of being in control of your life is not easy to attain. For some it may come instantly. For others, it’s a process. Of course, there are people who unfortunately go through life never feeling as though they have that power and control, but even they too have the ability to change that. No matter how you get there (if you are willing to), getting there is what counts the most, and there’s no time limit on achieving this.
Here are 5 tips to help you learn how to be in control of your life
1) Don’t be afraid to speak your mind
Often times people who are so easily manipulated by guilt (I call this guilt tripping) are those who are afraid to speak their mind. It’s such a beauty and a power to be able to have thoughts that are your own. It’s also such a power to be able to translate those personal thoughts into your very own words. So, when we speak our mind we are literally speaking our thoughts into existence. Sometimes these thoughts can rub others the wrong way, other times it can provoke interesting conversations. Regardless of what it may do, letting our thoughts be known and heard (or at least the ones we choose to share with others) solidifies a personal strength that nobody can ever have control over.
Speaking our mind has the ability to put a lot of things into perspective for us. Think about it. We have so many thoughts that float around in our head throughout the day. Some of them good, some of them bad. However, it doesn’t necessarily matter if those thoughts are good or bad, because our thoughts are provoked by real life events, which we are motivated to try to find meaning from by thinking about them. After letting our thoughts become whatever they may become, we then have the opportunity to share them to others. Should we choose to do just that, we are able to find more meaning from them.
2) Know the difference between being valued and being used
A lot or personal strength comes from knowing your self-worth. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. In order for you to be able to embrace your full potential, and to trust yourself with complete control over your life (this includes decisions that you make), you have to be able to know what you are worth. Not only to yourself, but to others as well. People in life will always be one of two things to you. They will either be a support system to you, or somebody who will try to bring you down. In order to be able to distinguish between the two you have to be able to know when you are being valued for who you are and all that you have to offer, and when you are being used.
When you are valued by others, and most importantly by yourself, your life truly changes for the better. You begin to see life in many different shades and that alters your whole perspective on your life. Our perspective on life is something that we come to discover for ourselves. However, we do not reach this form of thought by simply passing through life. Instead, we approach this form of thought by constantly interacting with others. Those individuals that we choose to interact with will always either create positive interactions, or negative interactions for us to learn from. These interactions not only shape us as an individual, but they also shape our form of thought.
These interactions also help us learn to recognize when we are being valued and/or used by others. More on the impact of positive and negative interactions later in this post.
3) Surround yourself with like-minded people
I think this is a no-brainer. If we want to live a happy and stress-free life, then we need to surround ourselves with people who are willing to help us achieve that lifestyle. Happiness really is the root of all the things we allow in our lives. This not only includes people, but also the career we choose to pursue, the things we choose to do in our free time, and the type of person we choose to have in life.
Surrounding ourselves with people who will always choose to uplift us, inspire us, motivate us, support us, and encourage us will instill a special type of hope and love in ourselves. This love and hope is so special that we will always have a natural urge to want to share that love and hope with others. Like –minded people create a spark not only in ourselves, but in our lives as well. This spark helps us feel empowered enough to take the wheel of our own life. Sadly, not a lot of people have this type of luxury, but that doesn’t mean that it is possible to achieve it.
4) Be an active participant in your life
Simply put don’t choose to sit in the sidelines of your life. After all it’s your life! So why would you allow someone else to call all the shots? The way I see it, only you know your truth. That truth includes all the hurt, pain, happiness, love, and so much more that you have gone through in your life. Only you know your honest perspective about all the major milestones in your life, therefore only you can tell your story. When we allow others to have that kind of control over our lives we are allowing them to manipulate our thoughts, feelings, experiences, and ultimately our lives the way they see fit. And that’s just not fair. Don’t sit on the sidelines and give that control and responsibility to somebody else. Instead, be an active participant in your life where all the control is in your hands.
5) Trust your support system
We all have a support system. This system may or may not be big or small, but honestly the size of that support system does not matter. What matters is knowing that your support system is made up of people who genuinely have your best interest at heart. These are the people that we need to place an unlimited amount of trust in because these are the people who are going to make sure that we live our best and most fulfilled life. Trust is something that has to be earned on both sides of the fence. If people are willing to travel through rain and fire with you, be present and by your side on your good days and your bad days, then these are the people you can count on as your support system and place trust in. Having that power and ability truly does help you in pursuing a life where you are the one in control.
There you have it. Part one of 5 tips to help you learn how to be in control of your life. These by far are not the only ways to have control over your life (which you will find out in part two), but they are a great way to help jump start your ability to get there.
Want to know the 5 more tips to help you learn how to be in control of your life? Well stick around for part two of this blog post, coming to you very soon!
-Xo
Kimora
I’ve recently been getting better and learning to say no to people, which has never been an easy thing to do. I rather inconvenience myself before being an inconvenience to someone else, which is no way to live.
Correct. It’s not way to live. There’s nothing wrong with putting people before yourself but you can’t forget about you. That’s the power of saying no, you remember that you have to step back and focus on yourself every once in a while.
An interesting and thought-provoking post, Kimora.
I think a lot of people are challenged by really getting to know themselves “warts n all”, I know I was/am. It’s taken me many years to face my demons and ‘out’ them, and frankly I’m not always willing to put those demons on display!
However, I completely agree with you that getting to know yourself, whether you choose to be public about it as you try to improve the things that you know don’t serve you well, or whether you work quietly to overcome your challenges, is a big boost to your self confidence in the long term.
Your suggestion about being an active participant in your own life is on-point. So many of us allow our circumstances to dictate the direction of our lives, even when we know deep-down that change is needed. As they say, we get what we tolerate, and that’s the rub. Sometimes it’s hard to stand up to the status quo and be heard.
Nicola
Nicola,
Thank you! I was inspired to write this post due to a not so positive interaction that I had with a co-worker. It wasn’t all bad but the way she engaged with me in the interaction became very clear, very fast that she was trying to have complete control not only over the situation, but over me. That got me to thinking how that situation would have played out differently if I did in fact just give in and let her have things her way. Which inspired me to write out a list of reasons as to why the situation played out the way it did, and why I engaged with her the way I did. Hence the list.
I thought writing this post would be important because like you said most people are challenged by the idea of really knowing themselves. Honestly if I wasn’t as secure with who I am, like I am, I don’t think this post would have been generated because that situation would have had a completely different result. But I am secure with who I am, which is why I was able to identify what was really happening (or at least trying to happen) with that interaction.
Being an active participant is by far one of my favorite life rules! It’s so easy to just sit in the corner and let life pass you by, but it’s even easier to join in on the fun!
Thanks for the thought-provoking comment! I’m glad you were able to find some honesty from this post. Hope you stick around to read the second part!
Kimora