Hey guys, how was your weekend and your Monday?
Mondays are always hard for me. It’s the start of the week and honestly it feels like the longest day of the week for me. I think it’s just because Mondays just happen to be the busiest days for me. I don’t mind it much, especially since I can’t skip Mondays (how awesome would that be!?), but it’s always a hardest day for me to get my week into gear. So, if you’re wondering, yes, my Monday was a tough one.
But I’m not here to bore you with my Monday stories.
I’m here to talk about self-worth. I know I’ve talked about this before but it’s a very important topic that needs to be discussed more often. Especially among women, and especially at a young age. Why? Well because I think a lot of women don’t know how to acknowledge their worth. They don’t know how to appreciate their value and therefore look to others to tell them what their value is.
And just like I would never tell a man what his worth is, I don’t think a man should ever tell a woman what her worth is, because the honest truth is we know our worth. Whether we choose to admit it, own it, or stand proudly in the power of it, we know what we are worth. We know how we deserve to be treated, the type of people who are worthy of our time, and the people who are deserving of being a central and important part of our life.
This goes for both men and women. Deep down inside we all know our worth. But it’s only the ones who are brave enough to stand in that power, who will never let anyone else try to place what they think their value should be upon them, who proudly own and embrace their worth.
So here are 10 ways to confidently stand in your power and know your self-worth.
# 1 – Know yourself
I honestly believe one of the biggest reasons why insecure people look to others to tell them what their worth is, is because they don’t know who they truly are. They don’t spend the time experimenting with different styles, or trying out new hobbies, to really get a sense of who they truly are. And knowing who you are is so much more than just knowing what you do and do not like. It’s knowing the things in life that activate you, the things that don’t. Knowing what you want to do with your life and why. Being in tune with your emotions, knowing when you need to step away and take a breather. All of these things and so much more all play a part in knowing yourself.
The truth of the matter is, nobody will ever know us better than we know ourselves. And if for whatever reason someone does, then you’re bullshitting yourself by letting yourself off the hook. Instead of standing in your power you’re allowing someone else to have control of that. And word to the wise, NEVER let anybody have control over your power. Your destiny is and always will be in your hands. You can’t depend on others to make you happy, that is a responsibility all of your own. So, trust your instincts and take the time to really truly know yourself.
#2 – Don’t be afraid of what others think
Seriously guys. If there was absolutely one thing I could go back and tell my younger self, it’s to not worry about what others think of me. I have always been very confident in who I am as a person. But that confidence never leveled out to what I thought others thought of me. I always stood my ground and never came across as somebody that I’m not. But I’d be lying if I said I never felt insecure about how others may perceive me because I was so sure of who I was. I’m telling you now, don’t fucking care! It’s not your problem if people have an issue with your confidence. If people can’t accept you for who you are, flaws and all, then those are the people you don’t need to surround yourself with. Those are the people who would rather see you fail than succeed, and honestly nobody needs that kind of people around.
The really sad thing about this is that you would think and almost expect this to be a problem in adolescence, right? Well I’ve been seeing it as early as childhood, and unfortunately even in middle adulthood. We are starting to care what others think about us at younger ages, and we are even still looking for validation from others in middle adulthood. It shouldn’t’ be this way. Childhood is the period of our innocence, when we learn about life and are curious about everything. Middle adulthood is our golden years, where we have experienced life and we prepare the next generation to make this world a better one than the one we lived in. Neither one of those periods should be spent worrying what others think of us. So, let it go and don’t project this fear upon anybody, especially our youth.
#3 – Explore your boundaries
Know your limits. This looks different for everybody. Some people can take a lot of shit, others not so much. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much crap you can or cannot take, because you are an individual. What gets under your skin won’t necessarily get under someone else’s skin. What you are willing to do, so fearlessly, doesn’t mean that everybody is willing to do that very same thing, so fearlessly. We all have our boundaries. Some of them are relatable, others not so much.
But don’t ever let the fear of being different, or standing out from others, be the reason you lower your expectations or limit your own personal fun factor. We are all different for a reason, and this world offers so many different activities, lifestyles, and adventures for a reason. Don’t be afraid to explore what your limits are, what boundaries you are willing to put in place, and what boundaries you are willing to allow flexibility with.
#4 – Have expectations
I was told all the time growing up to not have very high standards. To lower my expectations about life and about others, because in the end I’ll only disappoint myself. Well guess what guys, that’s bullshit. Expectations lead to accountability, and accountability leads to a follow through on whatever the case may be. If I wasn’t putting myself in debt thousands of dollars each semester just to go to school to be able to obtain a degree to do what I want to do with my life, there is honestly no way in hell I would have sacrificed my sleep and my weekends like I did for four years. If I didn’t have bills that needed to be paid every month to keep myself living a somewhat comfortable lifestyle, there is no way I would go into work every day, especially on the days that I don’t want to be there!
So why lower our standards? Why have very little expectations of others, and about the life we want to live? There is no reason. If you know yourself, and you know what you are and are not willing to put up with, then go for the gold. Don’t let anybody ever tell you that you are way out of line for being very clear about what you will and will not tolerate in your life. It’s a very strong suit to have, and not many people have it. this is due to the very simple reason that they allowed others to tell them they are ridiculous for having such standards and expectations. But you’re not ridiculous, in fact you’re quite genius, because it proves that you are the one behind the wheel of your life, and that’s how it should be.
#5 – Never ever compare yourself to others
This is by far our biggest flaw as humans and easily everybody’s greatest weakness. We spend way too much time comparing ourselves to others. From the way we dress, to how we look, and even to the things we are interested in, we are always comparing ourselves to others. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, and I’ll probably never stop saying it. We are all unique for a reason!
There is a reason why we look different, why we are all attracted to different things in life, why we express ourselves in different ways. It’s because it all compliments the very thing that makes us unique. And we should never ever want to change that part of us, ever, especially not for the sake of pleasing others.
#6 – Don’t apologize when it’s not necessary
I have a very dear friend who constantly apologizes for everything. And I mean absolutely everything! I give her some slack because there was a time when I was the same way. I was apologizing for every little thing that felt wrong, or went haywire, even if it wasn’t my fault. It took me years to break this habit, and when I finally did, man so many doors started opening for me. We shouldn’t feel obligated to apologize for the things that are out of our control.
Always apologize when you are in the wrong, and you know you are in the wrong, but never apologize when you make somebody uncomfortable. Never apologize when you stand up for yourself. Never apologize when you speak the truth of the moment or of any given situation. And definitely never apologize for who you are! When we apologize simply because we feel obligated to, when lose a little bit of our self-worth. Hold fast and tight to your truth. Don’t ever apologize when it’s not necessary.
#7 – Be confident
It’s not any easy thing to accomplish, trust me I know. Confidence comes from clarity. Clarity about what? Clarity about everything! Clarity about your likes and dislikes, about what you want to do with your life, the long-term and short-term goals you have. I mean absolute clarity about everything, even if it’s not a perfect vision, having clarity about the idea of a vision is what really counts.
And in order to have a really strong foundation for your confidence you have start building upon it when you’re young. So yes parents, this is part of your job. Nothing comes across as I know who I am, I know my worth, I know my value, and ain’t nobody gonna tell me any different, then a strong and powerful confident man or woman. I promise you it’s the sexiest thing on the face of this earth!
#8 – Trust your instincts
Trust…your…instincts. I cannot stress this enough. I have never heard of a time, or ever personally experienced a moment, when my instincts were wrong or have let me down. They’re called our instincts for a reason. That reason being because they are the real voice of reason. That painful feeling we get in our gut when we are unsure about something?
Yeah, it’s telling us something that we need to pay attention to. We may not understand at the moment, and it may take days, weeks, months, and even years to understand and find meaning in that moment, but that feeling exists for a reason. Don’t ignore it, trust it always. Especially when it screams the loudest. Our instincts protect us from so much harm, and they also guide us to so many amazing opportunities. So, don’t shut them down, don’t turn them off. Follow and trust that impulse, follow and trust your instinct.
#9 – Take the road less traveled
Always choose to go against the grain. And this goes for many things in life. And I’m talking about the things that others are doing out of popularity, not necessarily the things that are being done to provide a better life for yourself. So, things like creating a social life which consists of partying every weekend, instead of a social life which consists of lunch dates with your best gals or guys at least once a week. Why?
Why party every weekend when you can coexist in a relaxing environment. And I understand that this mindset and social adjustment comes at different ages and times in our life, but why feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing? Honestly there’s no sense and no point in it. Yes, participating in very popular things keep you in the loop, makes you feel special, and gives you plenty of interesting stories to tell later in life. But honestly guys, if it’s not fulfilling you, if it’s not making you happy or activating you in all the right ways for all the right reasons, don’t put that pressure on yourself.
#10 – Be fearless
This is something easier said than done. But honestly everybody should strive for this. Be fearless. Fear holds us back from so many things. And I mean so many things! So many people don’t follow their dreams because of the fear of failure. So many people don’t push themselves through school because of the fear of missing out on other things in life. But guys don’t let those little things hold you back.
You can always redeem yourself after something you consider to be a failure. You can always find time to make up for the little things you might feel like you are missing out on, or better yet find more meaningful things to replace those missed moments with. Either way be fearless. Life is too short to hold ourselves back from the things in life that we feel a natural instinct to gravitate towards. So, choose to practice the art of fearlessness.
And that’s it guys. None of these things are by far easy to accomplish. It takes time, a lot of practice, and requires a lot of patience with yourself. But if you’re willing to go on that journey, I promise you that it’ll be a journey well worth it. Nobody should ever have the pleasure of telling us what we are worth. Man or woman nobody has that right, and it is your duty as an individual to not ever give anybody that right.
Stand stall, be strong, be confident, and embrace your power. Stand in your power, because there is only, and will ever only be one YOU.
-Xo
Kimora