Discouragement.
It’s such an easy thing to experience, we all do. And it’s even easier to allow it to eat away at our souls. As I was lying down in bed last night I couldn’t help but feel a little discouraged. It wasn’t about anything in particular. I just felt discouraged about where I currently am in life.
And I know last week I talked about how I was thankful that I’m learning to be patient in order to allow greatness to unfold, but this was a different level of discouragement. It wasn’t about the little things, like self-esteem or not being able to attend an event I really wanted to go to.
The discouragement that I was feeling was about my future and whether I was on the right track to make it a bright one. We all have a starting and an ending point. I can clearly envision my ending point, but my starting point is out of focus.
Where do I begin? Am I where I am meant to be? I wondered this for about an hour.
There are so many goals I have set up for myself to accomplish in my life. My problem is that I live in fear of them being unattainable because they are life goals. They are big goals. They are goals that require time and commitment in order to foster it into the beauty I envision. I look at the success of others and I just beat myself up that I am in my young adulthood and I have nothing to show for the future I am trying to make for myself through my hard work, my passions in life, and the dedication I made to always better myself.
I look at others and I get discouraged over the idea that they’re living the life that I want for myself. The life where you’re genuinely happy because you have everything you’ve ever wanted, or at least a good majority of it. The job you love. Friends you can count on (aka a healthy social life). You’re in a happy and healthy relationship. Your health is in tip top shape, or at the best the shape it can possibly be. You’re traveling the world, living out your dreams. You’re on top of the world.
You have it all.
Well I want it all.
And of course, these are just observations through social media and the messages I take away from pictures and stories, which means for the most part these are just assumptions. I can’t say for certain they are where they want to be in life.
But these observations have a tendency to make my mind revert to the mental sensation of beating myself up for being the way I am (this is usually where I get severe headaches). I’m the type of person who makes a goal and sets out to achieve it. Until that goal has been reached, everything else just sort of falls in the background or goes on a long list of things to accomplish.
And it’s not that I suck at multitasking, I just have a hard time with letting things grow because I anticipate the end result.
I like instant gratification I’m not going to lie.
But the true beauty of something lies in the development of it. To really appreciate what you’ve created and be able to honestly tap yourself on the should and say “well done”, you have to let it grow.
Instant gratification is such a terrible habit. Who, what, when, where, and why was such a thing put out there in this world!?
I was not raised on instant gratification, more like delayed gratification, but somewhere over the past couple of years I have learned to use it as motivation to “get things done”. It’s such a pain.
I want to be successful in life. I want to connect with others. I want to be a positive change in the world, have a positive impact in someone’s life. I want to better myself with every opportunity presented to me.
I want to be legendary (How I Met Your Mother has been on my mind lately).
And I know I will have the chance to do all those things. I’m still young, and growing, and finding my place in this world, and discovering how to successfully merge who I am with who I want to be.
And I know there will come a day when I get all the answers on this journey that I’ve been looking for. There will come a day when I look back on this journey and I’m grateful and appreciative of the struggle.
Of the discouragement.
Because only then will I be able to see just how far I’ve come, and how far I’ll go.
Life is a journey, and the journey is all about discovery. Success is a process, and the requires continual development.
I am thankful for my struggles.
Be patient. Your day to be the sunshine in someone’s life will come (a message to you and myself). Until then know that no matter how many times you fall, you have the choice to stay down or get back up.
Same with discouragement. It’s a normal feeling, when you experience it, embrace it. It’ll teach you a lot about motivation, perseverance, commitment, and dedication. You alone have the choice to continue to look back and beat yourself up, or you can look forward and keep brainstorming, keep creating.
Keep dreaming, chasing, striving, and achieving.
That’s what I choose.
Success.
-Xo
Kimora